Navigating life in our twenties is like trying to walk on a ship in a storm, struggling to find our footing with a lot of stumbles and falls. Sometimes, we know the destination. Sometimes, we have no clue where we are going. We are just trying to walk without stumbling too much. Sometimes, we think we know the destination only to realise later on that perhaps, it may not be where we actually want to go. Quite often, we get a little seasick, take a pause, sit down and rest so we don’t throw up. And sometimes, we beat ourselves up for it.

The ugly truth of living is that we never truly know how to live. Most of the times, we are on survival mode. We are just trying to take one step at a time in the rocky sea but it rarely gets easier. We get stronger, we get more experienced and it gets better. After all, that’s all we have been doing our whole lives. But the beauty of it is that we never truly know. So every day we are discovering something new, this new scent that could make you feel the calm washes over you, this new café and your new favourite barista that could brew your coffee just right, this new dress in a strange shade of blue that makes your skin shine and your eyes pop or this old neighbour you have seen every day for the past 4 years you have lived there who is actually a really warm and great conversationalist and becomes a really great friend who you invite on special occasions.

Legally, we may be adults, but we are just adolescents in adult world. Everything is new and fresh. We learn about ourselves, people, the world every day. Sometimes, expectations and reality doesn’t coincide. When we were kids, we wanted to grow up, be an adult, and have the freedom and independence that comes with it. Now we are all grown up, we wish to be kids again, no responsibilities and worries about where our future would lie and disappointing our families.

As a twenty-something adult, the trickiest thing is relationships, and most importantly, love. It feels like walking in a swamp at night. You slip. You fall. You drown if you’re not careful and you try to get back up and carry on. You just want to find a stable ground to walk on but its pitch black and you’re trying your best not to step on any snakes. If you’re lucky, you find a solid ground early on. Otherwise, you would have to learn to be an expert at it first for years until you find it. It’s not pleasant.

At this age, we are still trying to get to know ourselves; what we like and what ticks us, what we think we want and what we actually need. A lot of childhood traumas to learn about and certain behaviors to unlearn. So when you throw in a stranger into the mix, it gets messy. One stranger called Jason may make us slip. Another stranger called Jennifer might drown us. A lot more of Timothys, Jonathans and Darryls before we find our stable ground. By then, you would be a veteran and nothing could break you anymore.

If it’s so complicated and sounds so miserable, why do we want love? The beauty of love is being understood, being seen, feeling a little less lonely, having a shoulder to cry on, and having someone with you to carry the weight of the world when that weight gets a little heavier. But the cost of love is loss, and it leaves us empty. So when you love those you’re not supposed to and they hurt you or leave, you get a little more empty each time. For some of us, self-love is not the concept we are familiar with at twenty-something. We never learned that when people leave, we are still supposed to be whole because they are not supposed to be complete us, but rather they are supposed to complement us. We are only human. As a pack animal, we crave for connections. It’s in our nature after all.

It’s also about learning how to love ourselves. For some, it’s in the package and they don’t have to learn it. For some, self-love is not in their vocabulary. Loving someone else is extremely easy when we don’t love ourselves. So we love the wrong people simply because trying to love ourselves is harder. We need to be able to accept all our flaws and quirks. We need to be able to sit in the quiet and enjoy our own company.

The pillar in your twenties is your friendships. The laughters you share over dinner or wine talking about a bad date you went on last week. Their presence and comfort after you just had a really awful break up. The wild night-outs and hangovers because you had a long week and just want to let loose. Scrolling through the inside jokes and reels from them during your work because you want to slack off a little.

Those are the most painful years but also the most beautiful and memorable as well. It’s where you build your resilience, learn your capabilities and strength and your weaknesses. It’s where you meet new people, make new friends, enjoy the freedom that comes with being an adult. It’s where you make mistakes, try not to beat yourself up about it, hold your head high and try again. It’s where you cry because you feel lost and book a trip to a nearby island to escape the reality. It’s where you make memories you would look back on when you’re in your thirties or forties while you’re making dinner at 7pm at your home with your daughter or son running around and your husband or wife scolding them for making too much noise. You have no night out plans with your girls or guys because now, you have responsibilities for your family, and your child has school the next morning.