I used to think my love language was words of affirmation. That was when I was in my teenage years, and I had an ample amount of time to spend on unnecessary shenanigans. I loved love letters and sweet nothings. If you had said the right words at the right time, I would have melted into goop, doe-eyed and all. I was a sucker for custom poems. I could read them again and again until the paper thinned beneath my fingers and I had memorized every line.

Now, it’s ironic to say that I detest words of affirmation. I have learned to take them at face value: sweet nothings. After a while, I realised that words without follow-through are simply lies. Uttered words and written sentences hold no weight without actions to back them up. They simply become lies and recycled sentiments.

After some reflection on how I manage and lose my relationships over time, I realized my love language had slowly evolved into quality time. My life is now busier, planned down to every hour and segment of the day. Slow mornings for my mind, followed by a quick trip to the gym for my body, work or studies during the day, family time in the evenings, and nighttime to settle my mind and slow down my thoughts. Slowly, time has become scarcer, and I have become extremely cautious about whom I spend my time with and whom I give my energy to.

Over the years, I have met a lot of people, and only a handful have remained, and I’m happy with that. I don’t regret the memories; they will forever have a place in my gallery of thoughts, one I skim through every now and then, and that’s where they will stay.

The people I do give my time to are the ones I would drop everything for if they needed company. They are the ones for whom I don’t mind sacrificing the routine I have set for my own peace of mind.

In a world where everything moves a little too fast, words have become fleeting whispers, and it’s hard to find comfort in them. What stays is the effort of presence: when someone is happy to accept the opportunity cost of spending their time with you; a little message to let you know you still occupy their mind, regardless of how different your time zones are or how many years it’s been since you last saw them right in front of you.

When life moves in a blink and some people still treasure me somehow, I treasure them more. I never knew what a privilege it was to have such presences in my life. But now, I’m utterly grateful to have a friend I can call who’s 15 hours behind me, when I’ve already graduated from university and changed jobs twice since I last saw them; and to have a friend who always thinks of me whenever they are close by, even though we haven’t seen each other in longer than I can remember.

I say “keep in touch” to everyone, and yet life gets in the way. Or perhaps I let life get in the way with no effort to keep the tethers. So now, I understand that words are empty promises until effort follows through on them. And for some, there were never even words, just consistency in their actions over the years, giving me evidence of something I never needed to be convinced of in the first place.

Until next time…